Immolation & Rebirth

I went from training 5 hours a day at the Mma gym and fighting, to being stuck on crutches with a broken foot; Constant movement, to limited physical activity with plenty of time to contemplate my existence. I keep convincing myself that there are no bad experiences, only useful lessons, and that I am simply in a “lesson-heavy” stage of my life. It certainly has made me wonder why people come into our lives and stay, as well as leave. And how their value of ourselves is defined by them; what aspects of me make them keep making them interact with me. When I’m not around, how do they describe me? And if it’s by training but I am Injured, does my value decrease to them as well? I once heard a wise person tell me “people don’t love you, they love your position. When your position goes away, so do they.” We may not mean to consciously, but ultimately we are all using each other. We are conditioned to interact with each other for certain reasons, and when that reason disappears, being conditioned as we are, we don’t know how to interact or deal with each other outside those perimeters, so we become scarce. What else is a fighter who is too broken to fight, going to offer someone, when that is the “what” I was offering of value. Well, I’ve at least had time to get better with crypto trading and my bunny is pretty happy for the extra cuddles. And I’m sure some deeper meanings will appear as time goes on; perhaps answers to what truly defines me at my core; hopefully before I fade too far into the abyss. I am clearly to be tested by life’s pitfalls and obstacle, demanding of me that I put my money where my mouth is, and find yet another away to push through the despair and lows of life sonI may rise up like the cliche yet applicable “Phoenix“ metaphor. Well considering I broke my foot and sprained my ankle, now would be a good time to grow wings, because crutches aren’t a good look for me.